I suppose it’s the New Year, maybe a need for a change or just a need within myself. I keep trying to change my site header, background, anything to make a difference. Anything, other than change the Theme, for Coraline it is, and Coraline it will stay. I cannot let go of the layout. It ‘fits’ In such a way my life ‘fits’. I had a big decision last year but one, (well, it’s just I have this thing about years, I hate them passing so I backdate-without-numbers type of thing) and I am living by it. I nearly left my safe life to start a new one. The House was up for sale and I was on cloud nine, going to start a life on my own. In love with change, a difference from the day-to-day grind I decided I was living. My holding pin was gone, My Bess, she left me and I broke. Into pieces. Strange to write that, not my partner but my dog, who was my friend and my heart. Not a nice thing to write really, another human being was hurting too and I added to his pain. We didn’t fit any more but there was a friendship and closeness which counts for a heck of a lot and I tried to be cold, heartless, selfish, in order to break away. Totally unlike me. Enough to say I came to my senses, the house was taken off the market, Bess was still gone, but there was a firm foundation not sand beneath my feet.
Life goes on as it always will ‘til our last breath, it’s up to us to make sure it’s a life well lived and loved, if only in friendship, for love seems so fragile to me.
I don’t Blog about myself often, but I just spent a day trying to change my blog settings, and ended up just changing the background and header, small payment for a large headache, but I’m happy. (and grumpy, sneezy etc….) most of the time.
xxLadyPxxPenxx
Pen Pusher, I just write when the mood takes me, and wherever my imagination wants to go I try to follow.... 
● Poems 'n Stuff ● 
Yeah it’s so tempting to walk away from bad memories, but I DO understand how you felt and your blog looks great! 🙂
Love and huge hugs sweetie!!! 🙂
Prenin.
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Thank you Sir Prenin, Yes ’tis very tempting, yet sometimes we awake to our actions before it’s too late …and I’ve changed the background ‘n header again since you commented, 😉 sheesh!! luv n’ hugs to you xxx
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One thing you can count on in life is change; whether it be by your own hand or by other means it is bound to happen. Funny about how you said you spent time thinking of a different format. Must have been the time for it cause I did the same; only I did not do it (yet?).
sending love, Eddie
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I wondered if it was all tied in with my feelings of ‘unsettlement’ if there-be such a word, Eddie, but if you’re feeling that too, mayhap it’s a WordPress virus eh? 🙂 Changeability. sent thro’ t’airwaves perhaps? I shall keep a weather-eye out for your changes. much love my friend. xxPenxx
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Loss and grief are such difficult partners. They travel with us and surprise us when least expected. Acknowledging our shared loss and sharing our grief are two ways that friendship and love grow more profound. It is too easy to isolate ourselves.
The background changed, the header is renewed, but the core continues on.
Blessings for this current year.
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Way too easy sometimes, Rod, almost self destructive sometimes. The core doth continue, always. Many thanks for your words and thoughtful comment. xPenx
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We have some things in common … and not “just” double wuffs , and earth quake purrs and itty bitty whistles … love you, Lady Pen … always, cat.
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no, as you say Cat, ‘not just’ but they do add an extra loving touch.. triple woofs, purrs and whistles and much love to you. xx
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Lady P
when im emotional You wont believe this.I try to change my Theme here.
But after around half hr.I go back andc say to myself HEHEHE why??
is this ur way to help urself??? No way. I understand u 100% Lady P.
changes in life are soemtimes crucial And dont push OK button that fast .
Lady P..i wish u time cos thats all u need for the loss of Bess.Ur bess
i know that a pet means more than just a dog or cat.He or she is close to u more than anything. They love u and they show that so much
be well
MJ
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I seem to have reverted back to black Sweeti, with a blue sweep of emotive stripes, and a distorted view of Our Lovely Earth, not that I feel it’s distorted as such, just a different perspective kind of thing. 🙂 and thank you for your lovely words my friend, you understand so well. xx
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Change is two bits four bits a dollar and a cup of coffee. How do I control it or does it control me. Change is a funny instrument, it can be evil or the white knight, it is my choice. Yet there is a comfort zone and change upsets that.
One of the reasons I don’t always embrace technology for the changes it brings. For the change becomes a controller I do not like. Yet there are some changes I accept easily, for they are just but steps in life’s journey.
It has taken me years to see the difference and accept them.
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thank you John, it seems once I get into the rigmarole of changing things on WordPress, I tie myself in knots. Here I am three days later still unsatisfied with my ‘primping’, for it the end I’m almost back to the beginning again. Although I will admit to having ‘dusted’ my closets on t’way. xx
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A tumultuous past year for you, Pen. Hope you feel peace with the ground beneath your feet.
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Many thanks bb, and I hope so too. Peace is a strange thing, once reached you wonder at the quiet. 🙂 xx
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Einen schönen Tag liebe Penx schöner Text,ja das Leben wird weiter gehen,immer wieder bis zu letzten Adernzug.Es wird sich auch nicht ändern.Ich wünsche dir ein glückliches schönes Wochenende.Liebe Grüße von mir .Gislinde
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Ohne Änderung, die ich nehme an, es gibt kein Wachstum, Gislinde, vielen Dank für Ihre Worte mein Freund. Ich hoffe, Ihr Wochenende war ein guter. viel Liebe xPenx
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Dear Pen you have really opened your soul to us. The death of Bess is awful for it is like loosing a child. I get so angry when people who do not understand say it is only an animal. We are animals and if we loose another animal we grieve. We have had cats and dogs and lost them too it is like loosing a family member.
I understand how you wanted a new life and felt the need to move on…I have had to settle for friendship and that deep love that often arrives after passion is long gone and disappeared. I understand what you are saying it is not the best path but it is the more comfortable and safe one.
Life goes on Pen and we all have to survive so I am sending you love and encouragement all will be well.
I do like the new look page beautifully clean and expressive. Keep on keeping on, it is all any of us can do. Sending you love and hugs and my very good friend and prop hope. Xxx
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it almost wrote itself, Sweet Willow, and yes, Bess was such a loss, leaving a hole that never goes away. You do understand where I’m coming from, my friend, your words reached me and helped so much. In this life sometimes you wonder if you’re alone in your response to certain situations, and you begin to doubt yourself, your motives, your personal feelings which is not good at all. Since you left this comment I’ve changed header and background again, nearly back to where I was, almost like WordPress imitating my life eh? hugs aplenty with thanks …. xx
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I stand by what I said Pen, you are not alone. Even if you do a thousand u turns you will end up doing what is best for you! Bless Bess she will always be at your feet when you rest, at your heel when you walk and guarding your back when you need her, at your side while you sleep.
Keep edging forward, soon, very soon you will find the path widening. Take my hand for now , hugs eternal. xxxxxxxxxx
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Its very brave of you to speak about your changes Pen, ( I suspected something along those lines were happening around you, although we never spoke in words ) Sometimes our feelings just know… and I knew how hurt you were.. I am so sorry too about Bess, they are so part of the family.. my heart goes out to you Pen in your grief…
The one thing about Change is realising its up to us to put it in place.. a little like your background upon your blog.. You are very much like me in that respect.. I love my theme, even though I changed it from its original.. I experiment with colour.. But I am loathed to let go of some things.. But this Year I know I too am going to make choices.. There are so many things I can relate too.. So many!
Love your bright blue threads along your background., Keep weaving those threads and they will grow stronger .. Life brings us tests and we test life.. 2014 is all about relationships too..
Bless your heart Pen… I so feel for you, but I also know, you can grow ever stronger within the changes you didn’t make..
Much love,
Sue xoxox
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I think I’ll stay with the blue threads Sue, for as you say, they weave and reach out ahead. (hopefully like any future poems of mine) and I can empathise with your experimentation, (you know it’s taken nearly 3 days to circle back to a background which is not that much different to the original. Subtle differences, yet I feel at peace with ‘small change’ 🙂 )
I felt you knew what I was going thro’, sometimes words are not needed, just a hint and gut feelings. I wish you well in your personal choices this year Sue, for you above all are a guiding light for so many. much love to you, xPenx
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Hello, Lady P! As you know, I’ve recently changed my theme as well – there must be something in the air for I really liked the previous one, but I had an ‘urge’ to do it. Sometimes with these urges it is best to wait and see, and others to just jump in. Change is a funny old thing, but it certainly helps to keep things fresh. Not always in a good way, but we have to make sure that we make the best out of what we have.
I like the changes to your site. I popped in earlier on my mobile phone, and you had a library scene that I liked for your header – but I like the current one as well.
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and change and change about Sir Aquatom, the library header was good, but now I’ve distorted t’Earth,Sun and Moon. (theoretically of course, can’t have me messin’ with Creation now eh?) A pointer to my view kind of thing. (Just making me wonder if people’ll think they’re/I’m bladdered, vision wise? 😉 ) erm, anywho, change is certainly in the air, mayhap that’s what the New Year brings, a frenzy of change hopefully for the better. I like your change in theme, ’tis great but I’m not brave enuff to hit the button ‘activate’ after spending hours (seemingly) window shopping , (free themes of course!! being a penny pincher!!) So, now I’m back to almost the start point, blue threads not dots, and a blurry header, sounds good to me!! 😉 xx
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A pet can be so much more than just an animal as they really become part of your life and family. Change that we don’t want or can’t control can be very stressful. But a lot of what happens in life we cannot control and must learn to accept one way or another. It can be very difficult.
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Difficult yes, Binky, painful too, and for the life of I cannot see myself opening up and having another pet, does that sound selfish? It’s not that I don’t want to hold, love and care for a furry friend, it’s just it’s been so traumatic. Maybe time will bring about a change, you never know do you? xxxx
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It’s been rough, I gather. Here’s hoping that it gets lighter and better by the day 🙂
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many thanks Eric, and I hope so, all best wishes to you xx
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Change is ok Pen no need to be stuck in one moment. I still think and dream of my darling Wile-e , I have another little soul now called Lucy she is a little tinker most of the time. I sometimes can look at a room a living room maybe. Gosh this is so boring same thing everything in the same place…must change it lighten it up for heavens sake. !
This year I hope your path is clear and happy , and you see lovey things to come , just round that corner.
Hugs Sheila , have a lovely week. xx
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I have to stop myself from putting Sheila and Wile-e automatically at the end of my comments to you Sheila, just for a heartbeat, then I remember Li’l Lucy and the World rights itself. Change is good, it’s just now and then I question my own motives. (I’m always second guessing myself!!)
I too, hope you and Li’l Lucy have a trouble free path ahead, and may your future changes all be good ones. hugs to you and Lucy too. xPenx
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There’s a time and place for change and sometimes circumstances such as yours are one of them…but other times…we have to go through the process to see what is right for us even if it’s not what we thought was right for us at the time. I hope 2014 brings you renewed joy and happiness in whatever form that may take for you 🙂
I love your blog theme and design, as I do my own. I think about changing it sometimes but the time is not right. I’d rather start a separate blog if I was that keen for a change! Keep up the good work with your wonderful blog Pen! IceWolfie hugs 🙂
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IceWolfie hugs accepted with thanks, and ever so much appreciated, as are the words you’ve written above, and may I reply in kind, for I love your Theme too. Suits you to a ‘T’. Now, what I’ll do next time I feel the urge to change mine is ‘Sit on ’em’ Hands I mean, ’til the urge fades away!! (Or I fall of this PC Chair, whichever happens first!!) Hugs aplenty, always. xxx
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If you’re hit with an insurmountable wave of inspiration you should not of course suppress it! A change is as good as a rest…sometimes! You never know we both might end up transforming our blogs looks into something totally new…then again lol maybe not!! 😉
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second option methinks my Wolfie friend, I primp and move things about, then change ’em back, mayhap we’ve both reached a stage when we just ‘know’ it’s right for us eh? xxx
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Until we feel like a change!! lol and you’ve got me thinking now… maybe I wouldn’t mind a change of theme…maybe it’d be fun 🙂 It won’t be so much fun when it messes up all my blog post layouts though, that’s the trouble with theme changing in my case. Wreak havoc with the pic’s placements for starters! Still thinking about it though…change…change…change…!!!
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I feel every bit of your grief and pain, Pen. For a companion, for a relationship. Struggling with something similar myself. Change is often necessary despite how it kills us. Remember that the night is darkest before dawn. Your heart’s wishes will be answered. I know it. I just do.
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thank you Vera, so much, isn’t it strange that knowing a thing and doing it takes so much effort but is worth every moment held almost in limbo as your World rights itself. I feel for you too, lovely friend, we two will find our answers, as you say, I feel it too. xxxx
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le changement a du bon ma chere Lady Pen !
continue de vivre ta vie et nous te suivons avec plaisir sur ton blog
kisses for you
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merci mon ami, les difficultés viennent parfois à supporter, mais nous essayons de les combattre. Vos mots sont un réconfort. bisous à toi xPenx
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“Here” I am working backward through time from most recent post to this one then on, or so I suspect.
I do like the electric blue “lines” as they indicate a sense of your mind tension and energy. I get the change thing that overcomes us in varying degrees. Have noticed a lot o renovated blogcasas hither and yon. Some things help us ground. Others allow us freedom in manageable degree. I’ve only visited your lovely “yard” via your photos–I think it would have been a difficult place to leave if it had ever come down to a jumble house selling.
Love can be very fragile—and very tough when so inspired.
Friendship is different than love and yet just as valuable.
Hello Penxxx.
That reminds me of an old camera — a good thing indeed for a wonderful observer of all things visual around us. Not all changes are visible nor ought to be.
I so do hope your Bess and some certain Odes and Primas have been having a romp and wag or two together somewhere beyond the rainbow.
Hello Penxxx
So very nice to meet and greet you.
If you like, you can borrow my grappling hook anytime.
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OOoo, I shall hold thee to that Eva, a grappling hook eh? and the thought of My Girl romping around with your furry past friends makes a smile appear on my face. Now again the smile slips, as if it didn’t I suppose I’d look like Jack Nicholson as the Joker, (not a good look) 😉 Laughter abounds tho’ and much of it came from the yard/garden where Bess and I played, often, chasing and catching those plastic balls of hers. (she caught not me, I mean, altho’ if she could’ve taught me, she would have!!) xPenx
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I was heartbroken all last year…probably one of the reason’s I didn’t write I guess. I walked in and found my laptop with what I thought was my account open…. It turned out to be hers and I saw the truth and then I left. What I discovered through that year was forgiveness, redemption, myself and who I am alone, and how to give my children the love the deserve. Life is a beautiful thing once the toxicity is gone. We are still friends. She and her now husband took me and picked me up from my neck surgery and they are expecting a child now. I guess what I’m trying to say is life goes on and love still finds a way even in the darkest days.HUGS! Peace be with your heart.
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Stuart, you have my sincere thanks for sharing your pain, subsequent response to your life’s trials and recovery from the bitterness that leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. To learn forgiveness is a hard lesson, ’tis a tester, that one. It teaches us growth, personal internal growth. We live to learn, however painful be the lesson. Many thanks again, and Peace be with you too. xPenx
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I,ve walked away twice in my life Pen, I wont stay where I am not wanted, each move was a learning experience that has finally led me down the path to happiness and contentment, wishing you well my friend, and your page is you.
Regards
Ian
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Thank you Ian, as you say, every experince is a learning curve, and leads us on, to hopefully, a happier life. I am so glad you found your happy ending, my friend, you’ve put a smile on my face in response. Thank you for your lovely compliment too, I think I’ll leave my page as is, (for the moment 🙂 ) hugs to you & Ana, (and Emu of course!!) xPenx
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